If we were to believe everything the books and glossies tell us, nothing could be more important in a marriage than sex and sexual compatibility. And there are any number of therapists, how-to books and videos available to reinforce this viewpoint.

Yet, is this really true? Is this the foundation stone marriage is based on? Given that, there should be so many marriages that should have worked but do not. Not every divorce happens because of the sex not being good. And not every marriage lasts because of great sex.

Why then, this hype about sexual compatibility? Is it the age we live in? An age when sex has come out of the closet and therefore must be the be-all and end-all of everything? Will this too pass? If we go beyond the fads of the day and seek deeper for answers, we will no doubt find that it is not easy to paint such a one-dimensional picture of marriage.

Marriage is such a complex relationship, an interaction and melding of two people on so many different levels, all interconnected and intertwined. When there is a short circuit in these systems, there has to be a scapegoat and what better than sexual incompatibility, the flavor of the day! And yet, very often, all other things gong well, sexual compatibility just grows and blossoms.

Trial marriages today are the order of the day and it is mostly to do with more than compatibility it is to do with sexual compatibility. That is how much influence the hype about this subject has had. But, like wine, should not sex grow and become better with time? Maybe what is needed in this area is guidance on how to make things better, not just how to make the techniques better.

Love and romance can be the greatest triggers to good sex. The art and science of technique can enhance it. Very often, couples bring to bed a whole host of the days problems and sex ends up being the culmination of these pent-up emotions. Tensions, unacknowledged slights, words spoken in haste they can all end up in sexual incompatibility.

Or, then again, it could result in a great sexual coming-together but what about the morning after and back to everyday life?

The trick is to see marriage as a whole, not piecemeal. A holistic viewpoint very often heals even the most bitter feuds. Putting the blame on sexual compatibility, or rather the lack of it could be a very blinkered viewpoint.

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